2023: Perspective being all hard and stuff
03/07/24 17:13
A little while ago I was in my kitchen trying to find something. Nothing particularly important, but at the time it felt like the only important thing. Digging through cupboards and the like, I pull out a jar of instant coffee. Instant? What the hell. I don’t and never have had instant coffee.
Anyway, I’d pulled it out by the lid, and that lid wasn’t secured, and this large jar of instant coffee went crashing to the floor throwing its contents everywhere.
I….lost it. Tears, snot, shaking, and eventually throwing up. I am not a crier. I can probably remember every single time I’ve cried in my adult life, and I can’t remember one like this, never mind it being about something so inconsequential. Let’s be clear though - I’m not criticising people who have this in their emotional arsenal. It’s just not something I have or use. Mostly. It took me hours to settle, and in reality I think it scared me a little. Scared me as I didn’t understand why I was reacting in such a way over something so unimportant.
I was concerned enough that I asked for some guidance. Fortunately, because of what I was studying at the time, I had access to some fabulous people whom I trusted, so those conversations happened.
You know what I discovered? That that single piece of advice I give people constantly - get some perspective, perspective gives you power over your day - is the single thing I’d been failing to do. Instead, I chose making a list of things I needed to be getting on with, and getting on with them (like finding some particular chocolate milk thing that H loves and I think smells like liquidised monkey); it’s rare I consider impacts, I just do what’s needed - I kind of assume that’s how things get done, and how you make your days work.
In reality of course, there was a lot more going on. This coincided with H having her legs fixed for example - an awful (but hugely successful process) that marks the last steps of long journey we’ve been on fixing a problem she’s had her entire life. The people who helped me get us here know who they are, and I will never be able to repay them. I’ve been quite unwell in the latter parts of 2023. What felt like the resurfacing of stomach problems I’d had 20 odd years ago that resulted in some painful cures using knives and the kind of drugs you can’t get from boots. So physical pain topped up with a big chunk of fear. I want to move as my house is irritating me etc. My exams were happening, and I’d not had time to get myself to the position I wanted for them (got a 2:1, which I’m very happy with). My car was dirty. WHY does my router keep randomly rebooting? You get the idea.
So. I had no perspective. None. All of a sudden, at that particular moment, I hated that coffee jar with a level of hate I don’t normally have room for. I was fed up with putting up with its shit.
What I was missing was that perspective on my days. If you mark your day out of 10 for example, and you’re starting at a -4 by being in pain, it’s a bit of a climb out to get that day positive. Yet H is doing fantastically, I got a 2:1, I found the chocolate milk thing, I bought a new router, my stomach thing is not the stomach thing I thought it may be, and is manageable if a bit uncomfortable for a bit. More importantly, I’m back to seeing the perspective point of the beauty and opportunity in my day. There’s little I can’t do if I put my mind to it, my world is generally a positive one.
So. Yeah. Perspective is hard. If there was a single practice I could teach somebody, it would be around getting some perspective on their day. It really is a powerful tool.
2024 is looking like an absolute corker already. Get to it.
