I’ve spent the last few days being stared down and utterly annoyed by half an onion. Not even a full one. I dropped it in the kitchen when cooking the other night, and it’s been mocking me ever since.
It’s not even in an awkward place, just down between a couple of cupboards and the bin. The problem I have is that bending down can make lights flash in front of my eyes and then it’s significantly later than I thought it was. This isn’t the thing that’s stopped me doing it though. No. It’s my brain being a dick.
I’ve developed this weird mental bullying that I should just fucking deal with it whatever ‘it’ is. In this case, it’s an onion. On the floor. How hard can it be?
The other night, I almost asked someone to grab it for me. But I stopped myself. I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t even pick up a fucking onion. My pride kicked in, and I thought: ‘No, this is my problem.’. It’s as baffling to me as to why I hated that onion with a passion I cannot begin to describe.
In reality of course I’ve been having a tough week (Okay…year). My normal strategy of just facing down the world out of blatant bloody mindedness wasn’t going to plan. How very dare it. Given my limited emotional scope, I chose to channel my frustration into this poor, undeserving and abandoned vegetable. If you’re interested, that thing is now eviscerated to the point of no return, and with some malice. After somebody helped me pick it up of course, and then me completely re-arranging my living room to accommodate being unable to deal with the onion situation. I thought giving myself a far larger issue to regret may take my mind off it. I can confirm that no, it did not.
I sometimes struggle to consolidate the anger I feel at myself for not being able to deal with the most basic of things, with how I would hope I’d treat others in the same situation. I’d have just grabbed that onion and forgotten about it in seconds. For me it just became a monument to my failure to deal with the most basic of things.
Still, perspective, something I will never get.
PS. Fuck that onion.
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